By Katherine Zammuto
Before I start this week’s blog, I want to answer the most common question people ask me, which is, "Am I an expert in the world of dating & relationships?" …and the answer is no, I am actually a woman who was married for 14 years, and have been back in the dating world after that. I am learning as I go, making (a lot) of mistakes as I move on in my quest to find the right partner and new love – and I share my stories, experiences and get expert advice on my podcast Kat on the Loose Sex, Dating & Relationships - which is growing a great following worldwide and has about 65k downloads per episode.
So here in the blog, I am going to share wiht you guys what I figure out with, and please, feel free to send us your stories as well and any questions you might have. This space is for all of us to vent, talk, and open up real and honest conversations about these topics!
So now here we go, here are some types of men that you should most definitely NOT date – trust me, I dated all of them so you don’t have to - and it was a complete disaster lol
1. The Emotionally Unavailable: This is the guy who tells the world he wants a relationship; he creates his profile on dating apps saying so, and when he meets you, he tells you he is ready. But as the relationship progresses you realize he is set in his ways; he is the ultimate bachelor that will not change for anyone. A sure-fire sign of an emotionally unavailable man is when you see that he has a fabulous bachelor pad that he spent a lot of money, time and energy setting up. If this is case, very likely, he is not interested in changing his ways.
I date a guy last year that had been divorced for over 6 years, and was living in a cozy, very small cottage type house in Malibu that he loved, and he constantly repeated that it was more than enough space for himself and he would never need anything bigger. Translation: as much as we got along great and had a good time together, he was set in his lifestyle as a bachelor in his perfect bachelor pad, so I noticed the relationship would never be more than that! And for a woman, it is a waste of time trying to convince the emotionally unavailable guy to change for you.
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2. Women Haters: The woman hater is someone who got very burned by a woman he loved. I met a guy once who had been dumped by his wife only to find out she was dating one of his close friends. He was bitter, angry and could not get over it, so every woman he met was target for him to dispense his anger on. The women hater thinks that if one woman did him wrong, all women deserve to be treated poorly, and he will hurt you when given the opportunity. If you meet a guy that cannot get over his anger towards another woman, run away as fast as possible!
3. The Dragger: He likes you, but just not enough to be in a committed relationship with you, and on the other hand, does not want to lose you. So he drags you along for months and months on end without defining your relationship, without making you feel 100% comfortable that you two are a couple; and women sometimes have the tendency to patiently wait for a long time until a man makes up his mind about their relationship. The Dragger however, will make you wait forever if you let him, because he has no intention of making up his mind one way or the other…so once you are dating someone, after a relatively fair amount of time - depending on how much time you guys spend together, make sure your man knows what he wants and is not just keeping you on the fence. If this is the case, move on because nobody deserves to be dragged along! At some point it has to be take it or leave it!
4. The Stealth: Be very careful with this one because he operates under the radar and many times we don’t notice until they hurt us!!!! The Stealth is the guy that thinks he is nice and not a player…he will date you, start getting into your life, making plans, making you feel more and more comfortable with him and believing this is a beautiful relationship forming, all very smoothly and nicely…and once he is in complete control of you, your schedule, your feelings, he simply changes his mind about everything and leaves.
The Stealth is many times a dangerous player that has no intention of carrying on a relationship, and sees you as merely one more accomplishment – thus, when the initial rush is gone, he moves on the next victim. Some clear signs of a Stealth: if everything is way too nice and perfect in the beginning, and he is making all the plans, showing up all the time and taking control of your life and schedule, back off for a minute and be careful.
5. THE NARCISSIST: dating a narcissist is awful because nothing in the world will be good enough for him; this guy is in love with himself and you are just a player in his show. So many women get tangled up with narcissists without realizing what they are dealing with until it is too late. A sure sign of narcissistic behavior is when he talks about himself a lot, and when making plans uses the word “I” a lot.
Most of the time it is all about what he wants and needs. Another sign is when he calls attention to some physical characteristics he has a lot, asking you to give him a compliment. A good example is a man with social media accounts filled with pictures of his workouts: "hey look at me", lol.
This topic is so important to so many women who are victims of Narcissists, I will interview an expert this week on my Podcast – Margi Bowden is a Narcissist Specialist, Life Coach and Counselor (her Instagram is @narcissist_nab ) – so if you have any questions, please make sure you send them by tomorrow, Wednesday 6pm!!!
The episode of Kat on the Loose Sex, Dating & Relationships with Margi will be available on all platforms where you listen to your podcasts including Spotify, Apple Podcasts and IHeart Radio Wednesday night 9pm PT.
If you have any questions or want to share your stories, please send us an email or follow me on Instagram @katzammuto and send me a DM. There you also find links to the Podcast and all my work.
I would love to hear from you!!!
Much love always, Kat
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