Five Dating Monsters You Should Be Very Careful Of
Updated: 3 hours ago
By: Tammi Pickle
👻 The Ghost
Disappears and reappears whenever it's convenient.
We all know the ghost: one day they're texting constantly, the next they're nowhere to be found. Then, just when you’ve started moving on, poof—they're back.
Psychologically, this kind of inconsistent communication can create something called intermittent reinforcement. When attention comes unpredictably, we can actually become more focused on getting it. The uncertainty can make you think about the person more, not less.
That's why the occasional “Hey stranger…” text can feel surprisingly exciting—even when their behavior has been consistently disappointing.
The important question isn't “Why did they disappear?” It's “Is this a pattern?”
Life happens. People get busy. But someone who is genuinely interested in building a relationship generally makes an effort to communicate and lets you know when something has changed.
Dating advice: Don't confuse someone's return with a change in behavior. If they keep disappearing and coming back without addressing the pattern, pay attention to the pattern—not the reunion.
🧛 The Energy Vampire
Everything revolves around them—their problems, their needs and their world.
You know you've encountered an Energy Vampire when every conversation somehow comes back to them.
Their work. Their ex. Their family drama. Their problems. Their schedule.
And when you try to share something about yourself? Somehow the conversation circles right back around.
Healthy relationships require reciprocity. Both people should have room to talk, listen, support and be supported.
Psychologically, one of the things we're looking for in a relationship is responsiveness—the feeling that the other person notices us, cares about what we're experiencing and responds to us emotionally.
You don't need someone who agrees with everything you say or is available 24/7. But you should feel like there's room for you in the relationship.
Dating advice: Pay attention to how curious someone is about your life. Do they ask follow-up questions? Remember things you've told them? Check in when you're having a difficult day? Can they celebrate your good news without turning it back to themselves?
And notice how you feel after spending time with them. Do you feel seen and connected, or emotionally drained and unheard?
🐺 The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Charming on the surface but consistently disrespectful underneath.
This one can be especially difficult to spot because charm can be incredibly persuasive.
They're funny. Confident. Successful. Attentive. Maybe they're even incredibly romantic.
But watch what happens when they don't get their way.
Psychologically, how someone behaves when they're frustrated or disappointed can tell you more than how they behave when everything is going their way.
Pay attention to how they treat waitstaff, strangers, their ex, their family—and eventually, how they treat you when you disagree with them.
Do they become dismissive? Sarcastic? Controlling? Do they make you feel guilty for having a different opinion? Do they apologize and take responsibility, or somehow make everything your fault?
A charming personality isn't the same thing as good character.
Dating advice: Don't just watch how someone treats you when they're trying to impress you. Watch how they treat people when there's nothing to gain. And pay close attention to how they handle the word “no.”
That's often where the mask starts to slip.
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🎭 The Masked One
Presents a carefully curated version of themselves until intimacy exposes inconsistencies.
In the beginning, most of us put our best foot forward. That's normal. First dates are essentially little highlight reels—we're showing someone the parts of ourselves we're most comfortable sharing.
The problem comes when the person you're getting to know seems almost too perfectly packaged.
They tell you exactly what you want to hear. They mirror your interests. They seem to want everything you want. The connection feels effortless and almost too good to be true.
As the relationship becomes more intimate, however, inconsistencies begin to appear.
This is where idealization can become a trap. When we're excited about someone, we may fill in the blanks with what we hope is true rather than what we've actually observed.
We aren't necessarily falling for who the person is. Sometimes we're falling for the story we're creating about them.
Dating advice: Slow down enough to let someone reveal themselves naturally. You don't need to interrogate someone on the first three dates. Just observe.
Do their actions match their words? Do their values show up in their behavior? Do they remain consistent when the excitement of a new relationship starts to settle?
Time is one of the best truth detectors in dating.
🧟 The Zombie Relationship
Keeps coming back from the dead despite repeatedly showing you why it doesn't work.
You've ended it. You've moved on. And then suddenly…
They're back.
The familiar text. The nostalgic memory. The “I've been thinking about you.” And suddenly you're wondering whether maybe this time could be different.
This is where nostalgia can play tricks on us. When a relationship ends, we don't always remember it exactly as it was. We can focus on the chemistry, the good memories and the moments we miss while minimizing the reasons it ended.
There's also something powerful about familiarity. Even when a relationship wasn't healthy or fulfilling, it's familiar—and the familiar can sometimes feel safer than the unknown.
But missing someone doesn't necessarily mean you should be with them.
Dating advice: Before resurrecting a relationship, ask yourself a very simple question:
“What's actually different this time?”
Not What did they promise? Not How much do I miss them? Not What could this relationship become?
What's changed?
If the same problems, communication patterns and incompatibilities are still there, you may not be getting a second chance. You may simply be replaying the same relationship with a new chapter number.
Sometimes closure isn't about getting one more conversation. Sometimes closure is recognizing the pattern and choosing not to repeat it.
❤️ Don’t Let Chemistry Scare You Away From Your Common Sense
Look for Patterns. Looking for Red Flags isn’t about finding someone who’s perfect. It’s about paying attention when words and actions don’t match. Slow down, pay attention, with your eyes wide open. Don’t fall in love with someone's potential; while ignoring their patterns. Chemistry may open the door. Character tells you whether you should stay.
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