He needed my advice on something, or rather counseling in what had happened to him. And so we met in his neighborhood surrounding under a tree on a bench.
Let’s call him Derick because I don’t want to use his real name. I had been friends with him for some time, so, we were buddies, and we talked openly and freely on whatever topic.
As I sat looking at him, I could already see what was disturbing him from his manner. His face showed it, and the body movements as well. It’s easy for me to form a psychological opinion based on your manner and conduct, just by looking at you, and tell how severe the problem you are having is. It isn’t only psychology on my part, but a gift, too, because I have surprised many with this phenomenon. There are those who look at me and say, how did you do that? Are you a mind reader? And those that even claim maybe I am using the forces that my grandmother used to have (my late grandma, may her soul rest in peace, used the capabilities of the Jin to treat or offer solutions on peoples’ various challenges) and since I was very close to her, really, really close, some think that I have inherited all that about her. (Ha, ha)
And so, I saw what was bothering Derick. But it was something mild, not anything severe or worrying. Anyway, I didn’t tell him. I have come to refrain from telling people about this psychological opinion. You now know the reason. I don’t want to be branded the name, that Babalah? The extraordinary guy with really nice hands? (Of all the things about me, people have complimented on my hands more than anything else. Is it weird or strange? Do we have people out there who are complimented on their hands? Anybody?) Maybe this should be a topic for another time.
Derick began with a long sigh while looking at me, “babz, why should relationship matters be complicated?”
And I tell him what I always tell anyone who asks me this, “Why should it not be complicated? It is one thing on the planet that has a thousand means of inducing complications.”
He laughed at that one. They all do, nevertheless.
“You are right.” He said, “It is just a disaster waiting to happen.”
“But anyway, we have to live with it.” I said, “So, what complication has it induced on you?”
He smiled, and he now looked a little bit relaxed, “You know that Sheila and I are okay, I mean, there is nothing that has ever happened to us that shakes our relationship. She is somehow still that important chic in my life. We get along just fine. But now, there is this new chic that… is inducing the complication in our affair.”
For the record, I am documenting down everything that he said. And there is one little piece of advice I want to give men out there concerning the above documentation. Do not call your woman ‘chic’. Let it be a word for the other colony of women. And besides, don’t call them that. Don’t call women that. And anyway, why do they find it okay to be called that? Do you find it okay to be called the name? Maybe because a young one of a hen looks cute? Are they even usually that cute? I can bet on all that I have that a young one of a cat is cutter than that of a hen. Why would you then not be called kitten or ‘kit’? But anyway, it will just be my opinion. Every guy with his opinion, yeah? But still, anyway, don’t call your woman ‘chic’.
“What complication is this new chic inducing?” I said, “Or let me guess. She is driving you nuts with her beauty?”
He took some seconds looking at me before speaking, “So the rumour is true. You can actually read people’s minds.”
“It is not reading people’s mind, but rather having experience on relationship matters that will make me know or probably guess right the reason why complications happen in a relationship because of a man seeing a new chic. The number one reason is usually the physical impressions from these chics.”
He took some seconds again digesting the information, then nodded, “Okay. Then let us continue keeping the rumor a rumor.”
I sincerely laughed at that one, “That is a nice thing to do.”
He sighed, a long audible sigh, “I don’t want to hurt Sheila in any way. We get along well. But this new chic.” He paused for a moment, with a hint of a smile on his face, “She is something, babz. Pure Angel. She is really beautiful. And the worst part is that I am having it easy with her. She smiles at me, and a lot, when we talk. She is also kind of smart, really brainy. She challenges me intellectually, and even laughs at my jokes that Sheila can’t get_”
“The high-end jokes?” I interrupted him with banter.
“That's right.” He said, “I am now completely feeling this chic. I am completely into her. Whenever I interact with her it feels so great and I feel so lively. But on the other hand, I don’t want to hurt Sheila’s feelings. I kind of respect her feelings and I also respect our relationship. So, give me your two cents of wisdom in this.”
“Okay.” I said, “How far have you gone with this new chic?”
“We are already comfortable in each other’s presence and the connection makes us freely talk anything.” He said.
“Do you know if she is single or not?” I asked.
“She has told me she is single, and I have even told her that I have a girlfriend. But she doesn’t know Sheila.”
“And how is she taking it knowing that you have a girlfriend?” I inquired further.
“She tells me how lucky Sheila is to have me, but I can also feel her interest in me every time we are together. This made me tell her what is on my heart, and it is that I find her more suitable to me than Sheila. But it is not her beauty, babz. I always take your advices on the topics of physical impressions. I know that looks can be tempting but deceiving. There is more to this girl than her beauty. I can just say the beauty is a bonus, because the thing I like about her the most is our easy connection and how we communicate freely. And we communicate intelligent conversations. That is why I have told you she challenges me intellectually. And I like that. I like that we are on the same level of thought and reason, something that lucks between me and Sheila. I find this really amazing when I am with her.”
“Well, that always entangles one.” I said, now ready to give him my advice based on the information he has told me, “You are not the first to be in such a position, and normally, a lot of men face this in their lives. It’s not even men alone, but women as well. All of us. Sometimes we get to know a person and find that we have an amazing connection with them, irrespective of whether we have lovers or not. We find that we share something incredible with these people, or something we would need in a relationship. What I have come to learn based on this knowledge is that we will need to go through these experiences in order to know who will suit us the best when it comes to our life companions. For instance, you have talked about how smart and brainy this new chic is, and the fact that she challenges you intellectually and you like that. I wouldn’t have to be a mind reader to know that this is what you would want in your life companion, but unfortunately, Sheila isn’t that. She doesn’t have these qualities.”
“I have always advised people, especially the youths, to go after the qualities they would want their partners to have. They should settle down with a partner who shares their value systems and ways of life. I never advise people to settle down on a person's physical impressions, just like I have heard from you. And I am proud that you are sticking with this knowledge.”
He smiled looking at me.
“Now, Derick,” I continued, “If you were in a committed relationship, the matrimonial relationship, I would be having a different conversation with you. But you are at the dating stage, and I will tell you what I always tell my fellow youths.”
“We need to experience life in order to know what will suit us and what will be better for us. We are the only people who best know what we want. Not even your parents know what you truly want out of your life. They don’t know your inner aspirations and the things that will make your life fulfilling, comfortable and satisfactory. When it comes to the person that you would want to share your life with, it becomes greatly important to know everything that you will need from this person, even to the finer and inner details. If you want her beautiful, irrespective of what I say about physical impressions and that you would need it, then go for it. If you want him handsome, go for it. If you want them with certain traits and values, go for these traits and values. This will ensure that your relationship will always be functional and can easily be managed.”
“Probably this new chic will bump into my inspiration and advices and get me as well. And as a matter of fact, she will know of me. I am going to be a force to be reckoned with, Derick.”
He again smiled at that.
“She is going to learn this new information, and maybe she will see a certain value or trait from you that she wouldn’t wish for in her life companion, or, and this one God forbid if only for your sake, she meets another man and the man brings out a quality or trait that she would want in her life partner, that maybe you sadly don’t have. Like in this case, what is happening between you and Sheila. Unfortunately Sheila isn’t beautiful like this new chic is, nor smart and brainy to challenge you intellectually. And this is what you want in a life partner. Are you feeling my drift, bro?”
Just so you know, I amazingly connect and relate to all age sets. If I am with the youths, I speak their language and into them. If I am with mature married couples, I fit formally like it needs to be. And when I am with the elderly, or the aged, I relate with them just like they relate to each other. I have got three lifetimes in this phenomenon that we call life. Maybe you can’t understand or even get that, but it’s okay. I am the only one with the right of understanding it until I tell you all about it.
He nodded to my question, and he is a little dull this time, “I feel you, bro.” He said.
“Good.” I nodded as well, “This, therefore, and as I always tell the youths, shouldn’t be a big deal until you do acts of unimaginable extremes. You have seen what some of us do in their relationship affairs. They even kill their partners, or let the matter depress them and later on causing them psychological harm, yet our relationship is just a dating stage, which we will always leave behind us. Our relationship is not a big deal and shouldn’t be a big deal. We are only at a dating stage in order to have experience on the companions that we would want until we get to a stage that now matters- the matrimonial stage. This is the stage that has the right to be a big deal, but never the dating relationship.”
“So, if you find out that you don’t have the traits and qualities your partner wishes for that will take them to their matrimonial stage, don’t make it a big deal. Of course it will hurt, just like Sheila will be hurt, but you will need to pick the pieces and move on. We will all eventually bump into a person who will like and love our traits and qualities and would wish these qualities in their life companions. Sheila will eventually bump into this person. And by the way, I am going to talk to her. I will equip her with experience that will be beneficial in her life, until she meets the person that will see her worth.”
“Therefore, go talk to her. Come out straight and mature. Tell her there is a new aspect in the relationship that has made you have a different view on a person to date. And tell her this aspect. You shouldn’t continue giving her the impression that the relationship is okay and it is not. That will be living a lie, and it will be damaging as the duration of time keeps piling. And of course she will be hurt. Who wouldn’t? Any relationship that comes to an end always hurts. But when I talk to her, she will be hurt less, and eventually pick this as an experience in the journey of her life.”
Derick nodded, and I could see a sense of contentment in his face, “Thanks, man. I will talk to her. I wouldn’t be quiet about this and make her assume everything is okay.”
I smiled at him, “That’s the Derick I know.” I said, and shortly after, we parted ways.
In the next article, I will share with you what I talked about with his girlfriend- Sheila. That’s of course not her real name for the sake of protecting her identity. She wanted to do her best to reconcile back with her boyfriend, telling me that she will do anything. But I told her important information concerning modern-day relationships, the importance of moving on, and desperation (since I saw that she was really desperate to do anything, even changing anything about herself to fit with the boyfriend’s liking). You will need to know this information in any case you experience heartache, because in our generation, and as I always say even though it is taken as humor, heartache is as common as headaches.
Subscribe to our magazine
Become a Heart of Hollywood Motion Pictures Member