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The JOY I Felt When…

By Sathya Callender

You may suffer sorrow and pain on this side of Heaven, but JOY cometh in the morning! Just ask me! Following is my “Love” story…

I thought I was experiencing true love, yet somehow found myself in an 18-month toxic relationship with a guy who hadn’t gone through the healing process after a relationship that failed after 14 years. How, then, could he call himself loving me? I soon learned that the love I felt (or what appeared to be love) was nothing more than lust. On the surface, everything appeared to be so genuine between us—but that’s why it’s said, “Looks can be deceiving.” Indeed, things may not always be what they seem.

A person can look you in the eyes and tell you how much they love you without sincerity. Perhaps those words are spoken to put you in a “comfortable place” with them. Have you ever heard the expression, “Hurt people hurt people”?

The man I thought loved me was still hurting and had yet to be completely healed from his pain. He was insecure, didn’t know what unconditional love was, and didn’t know how to give or receive love because he hadn’t experienced reciprocated love in the past. He was raised to survive—and those lessons were not taught with love.

Nonetheless, I grew to love him for who he was. I began showing him what I knew how to do: give love.

I invested time in trying to understand why he rejected my love. Why did he tell me not to show him? Why would anyone reject the love of their partner—the one they profess to love? Actions speak louder than words, correct?

As time progressed, I began to think I was a rebound and that all he wanted was someone to remove the thoughts of him being hurt in the past. Still, I knew the desires of MY heart. I knew what I wanted and needed, and that relationship wasn’t fulfilling either.